When times get tough...the tough go shopping

Men may have the technical world figured out, but they fall short when it comes to understanding the female need to shop.

There are two kinds of excursions a woman makes.   One is a "buying" trip....that is usually inclusive of, but not confined to, essentials like toilet paper and fabric softener.  The second is a "shopping trip".  The two can be combined, but as a rule a "shopping trip" includes a high calorie lunch and much more comfortable shoes than a "buying trip".   Women understand this concept, and it is where the male and female paths diverge.

More often than not when I tell my husband I'm heading to the grocery he will happily hop into the car and ride along.  If, in the middle of the ride, I announce I will also be doing some "shopping" his demeanor changes to the one Molly (the family Yorkie) gets when she realizes she's been lured into the car for a trip to the vet. 

I must admit it.....I like to shop.  There are times when nothing else will do but to head into a nice department store where I can wander through pretty clothes, sparkling costume jewelry,  sampling every new scent at the pretty perfume counters.   And shoes?   I think my Mother must have been frightened by Cinderella when she was pregnant with me, because I am always looking for the perfect shoes.  Nothing perks me up like a little "retail therapy", and I must confess I just don't understand why that isn't true for most males.

Shopping with my husband the conversation seldom changes.   Me:  "Honey, try this sweater on....it would look great on you".....Him:  "I don't need a sweater.   I have a stack of sweaters.".....Me: ".....but it's green".    Or our standard.....Me:  "You need jeans.  Try these on, please???  For me???".....Him (checking the tag)...."They're not Levi's"....end of shopping conversation.

I thought men were hunters, but obviously the thrill of the hunt does not include Ralph Lauren stores.   Women are gatherers, and that is why we need the large size shopping cart.   Nothing is more unfulfilling for both parties than an excursion into a previously unexplored store that features a husband (where's the sporting goods department?) and wife (this place is AWESOME!) mismatch.  He tries to be a good sport, but in truth he only cares about the Ohio State score....while I am developing a muscle cramp from holding an armload of clothes as I wait for a dressing room to open up.  Finally his patience is expended and he just has to get to the radio.  "Take all the time you want, Honey.   I'll be in the car."   Nothing cramps a woman's style like a man waiting in the car.

And so, as the biggest shopping high holidays arrive,  I have words of wisdom for all females who might be too young or too inexperienced  to have figured this out for themselves.  Choose a girl friend who has the stamina  and the shopping gene.....and go Christmas shopping.   Leave your significant other home to eat potato chips and watch NCIS reruns.   You'll both be happier.....life is good.