It
doesn’t seem like a big deal, but when you’re married anything can happen.
This is not one of those disgusting commercials that starts
with, “It’s time to get real about what happens in the bathroom”, and then deteriorates
into a lesson on what should never be discussed on television. However, it is about the bathroom.
If you are a person who has been married for a number of
years you understand that there are always tiny “stress fractures” in any
relationship. There is the ever grating
“Mom always did it this way”, or the day you learned that your mate considers
the use of a clothes hangar or screwing the cap back on the toothpaste to be
far above his/her engineering skills.
Then of course, the ever present “what’s to eat?” …a question that
actually translates to “when are you
fixing me something to eat?” These are just a few of dozens of little
things that a couple learns to work out…or learns to ignore.
And so we come to the granddaddy of all issues, the one that
can send a couple running to a marriage counselor faster than any other; the
toilet paper roll.
The first stress factor in this major issue occurs when one
partner never replaces the toilet paper.
First you pass the offending partner in
the hallway just as he/she is exiting the water closet. You may or may not have heard this partner
yanking the toilet paper roll as if trying to start a cranky out board
motor. Taking responsibility for one’s
own well-being it is important to say here that, while it is true that anyone
who plans ahead is never in a paperless predicament, we’ve all been there. Once you raise your voice to summon your
partner to bring you a roll of paper (that he/she should have replaced to begin
with) it may take a while for the sound level in your home to return to
normal.
The next stress factor occurs when one partner always replaces the toilet paper the
WRONG WAY. Of all the things couples
deal with this may be one of the most difficult because there are people…who
shall remain nameless…who refuse to admit there is a right way and a wrong way
to install a roll of toilet paper.
Ah-ha! You say it’s just a roll of paper, you say
it cannot be installed improperly? You
say wrong!! Who among us has not had
to spin and hunt, spin and hunt, spin and hunt for the end of the paper roll because
it was installed improperly?
But it’s not just an ill-informed spouse who can ruin your
day. It recently became necessary for me
to visit the accommodations at a local store.
I soon discovered that the huge roll in the big plastic container
attached to the cubicle wall had been installed in such a manner that the paper
tore on top of the roll, up inside the plastic box. I could see the end of the roll, but my
attempt to get my hand up into the holder to grasp it ended in frustration and
a scraped hand. I had visions of getting
my hand lodged in the dispenser and having to call 911 to send a rescue squad
to extricate me. I was finally able to inch the roll with an
ink pen I fished from my purse. But
even when it became possible to grasp the end of the roll the installation
error caused it to tear one or two sheets at a time. What should have taken twenty seconds took
several minutes and my entire storehouse of patience. Did I mention the fact that I broke a perfectly
good ballpoint pen in the process?
I’ve given this whole thing some thought. While I’ve not come up with a suitable
punishment for this infraction, I do believe it should at least be raised to a
ticketing offense. In my
continuing effort to preserve the institution of marriage ( so that my husband
and I have someone to go out to dinner with) I have included this instructional
diagram.
Life
is Good.
bahahahaaa, love it!
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