The camraderie of self destruction

We are living in a time where we consider every common failing an "addiction".   Too much credit card debt?   You're obviously a shopping addict.  Your philandering mate is probably a sex addict.....and the contractor who spent an extra three weeks working on your house because he watched porn on your tv half the day is addicted to porn. 

While I don't fight those addictions, I have long had two of my own to deal with.   One successfully, the other not so much.   Food and cigarettes, my two problem areas.

I gave up smoking seventeen years ago when our first grandchild was born.   This little guy struggled into the world, and while watching him one evening I found myself wishing he'd go to sleep so I could slip out onto the front porch for a cigarette.  All of a sudden the light went on and I realized I was wishing away time with this precious baby so I could go stick a burning weed in my mouth.  That was the end of that addiction.   I'd been a smoker for a lot of years....but I had no withdrawl and no breakdown.   I just quit.   People I worked with were shocked, and to be honest I was embarrassed that it was so easy.   Many times before I had  "tried" to quit, but this time I realized you don't "try" anything.   That's a door to go back through when the going gets tough.   "Well...goodness knows I TRIED".....the sentence that preceeds lighting up.  There is no "try".....there is only "do".

Addiction number two.....food.  With cigarettes you don't ever have to touch another one, with food you've still got to eat.   Food is a narcotic, a pacifier, a hobby.   I cook for my loved ones, and the holidays are a feeding frenzy.   Food.  Good food.....good wine......good grief!!
I will fight this battle till my last breath, I'm sure of it. 

Another facet of the "addiction" problem is an attachment to people with whom you enjoy practicing your addiction.   I've dubbed this the "camraderie of self destruction".   When I quit smoking there were people I had to avoid for a while because we sat and talked and smoked and passed the time together enjoying our common addiction.  That's not quite as easy with food. 

I've resigned myself to the fact that I will always be what I've always been.....two sizes larger than I want to be.  I will not give up dinners with friends......I can't say I see myself avoiding my family get togethers so I can buy a smaller size jeans.  I will continue to work at being healthy, but heavy.   There....I've said it.

Still and all, I'd say in the world of addictions I'm doing okay...my addiction dumping rate is 50%   I can honestly tell you it's a higher clearance rate than I have in any other part of my life!  Perhaps someday that same light will come on and I will rid myself of this last habit.  But until that light shines for me I will continue to enjoy family dinners, and midnight snacks when my husband and I can't sleep.  I'm perfectly happy with my imperfections......Life is good.