Time Passages

 

“Aging is not lost youth, but a new stage of opportunity and strength.  It is a different stage of life, and if you are going to pretend it’s youth you are going to miss it.  You are going to miss the surprises, the possibilities, and the evolution that we are just beginning to know about because there are no role models, no guideposts, and no signs.”  Betty Friedan

Talking with some friends and acquaintances not too long ago I did something I’d not done for a while; I sat back and actually listened.  The conversation bounced from what prescriptions each was taking, what aches and pains they were experiencing and who is likely to be in hospice care within the next few months. I was experiencing the unpleasant one-up-manship that occurs so often when people my age get together.  Each one seemed to feel that “age” was some dirty trick that was being played on him/her.  I sat there absorbing the bad news and complaints until I’d had enough fun for one evening.

Yes, we are aging.  Yes, it is challenging.  No, you don’t have to turn it into an ever expanding monologue every time you meet someone.  There needs to be an “aging etiquette” manual written for us seniors.  Here’s a good start:

Stop using “old speak”.   This self-deprecating dialogue is a symptom of your own feelings of inadequacy.  You may not be 25 any longer, but you still have more to offer than a catalog of your short comings.  Replace the things you believe you can no longer do with things you can and talk about those. 

Understand that “How are you?” is NOT an open invitation for a list of your complaints.  It is a polite greeting that should be answered with something along the lines of  “Pretty good!”  If you are doing well enough to meet and greet people you’re doing better than some.

Books, hobbies, movies and magazines are things to be shared and discussed with friends and family.  Bowel problems, muscle spasms and drug reactions are not great topics of conversation unless you are participating in a medical study.

Are you doing the best you can with what you still have to work with?  Are you getting enough rest, exercise and stimulation?  Take a walk, read a book (or write one!) or listen to music.   Open your mind and close your mouth for a while…you might see or hear something worth discussing later!

It is important to cultivate a grateful heart.    There are so many people of all ages in worse situations than you; don’t waste your energy lamenting the fact that you have so many years behind you.  Celebrate the very moment in which you stand and look to the future knowing you have the same control over it that you have always enjoyed.  Absolutely none.

I’m not suggesting we all become martyrs…”don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine”.  Instead I am suggesting we share the good news first.  I once knew a woman in her nineties who answered every, “Hello, how are you?” with:  “I’m still above ground!” and a big smile.  She was someone I crossed the street to greet every time I saw her.

For a good number of years had the privilege to manage radio stations for a man who made his home in Cleveland.  Radio was a passion, but his real job was as an attorney.  Already in his 70’s when I started working for him, he still practiced law and had his fingers in a lot of things.  As I got to know him I learned about his health challenges, and there were many.  In his 80’s he had frequent hospital stays, a wheel chair and constant pain to contend with, but I never heard him complain.  He never grouched about aging, he simply adjusted his life to be able to continue to do as much as he possibly could.  I will always remember him for his grace and his grateful spirit; he is my role model for aging and I hope I can do it half as well.

Aging is not for sissies; that much is very true.  I have officially arrived at an age that guarantees I will not die young...and I am grateful for every second of it.

 

LIFE IS GOOD