Technology: Remotely Interesting

Recently we moved my Mom into assisted living while she recovers from surgery.  If you haven’t moved someone who’s lived in the same house for sixty years, you just haven’t lived.  Everything went rather smoothly until we got to the television.

My bet is that sixty years ago, when a person moved into a new home,  they were thrilled with indoor plumbing and more than two electrical outlets in any given room.  The kitchen and bath would be set up, the beds in place and… viola’….you were home!  That’s not the case any longer.

The two most important elements in today’s home (I have learned through this experience) are a working telephone and a cable connected TV with a working remote.  Giving up the cable box in one location means getting that service hooked up at the new location.  It also means giving up your remote.  In this case a new flat screen was added to the living room; the old TV was to be relegated to the bedroom.  That’s when the problem started.

 

If you're ever bored enough to search through your house, start a pile of remote controls and see how large it grows.   My Mother had saved every remote control she had ever owned, none of which matched her old TV that sat quietly waiting instructions in her new bedroom.

A trip to a local electronics department offered up a “universal remote”.   We never could figure out what universe it came from, evidently not one that was familiar with fifteen year old analog TV technology.  It was returned.  Eventually we gave up and replaced the old TV as well.  No one gets up and changes the channels by hand any longer; certainly not an 87 year old woman recovering from surgery.

Sitting there, looking at this pile of useless technology, I began to think of all the things for which we’ve had remote controls and I wondered if they were still around.  Let’s see, a six slot cd carousel, a wall mounted stereo, a minimum of three VCR boxes, two DVD players, Bose radio remotes and ceiling fan remotes….even our fireplace has a remote control!    We have six TV sets, all of varying ages and all with remotes.  There are at least two old sets stored on the shelves in the basement for some reason with their remotes taped to their sides.  I’ve safely tucked away garage door openers that do nothing, and we have remote start and door opening key fobs that are left over from cars long gone.  My best guesstimate would be two or three dozen “remotes” that no longer serve any purpose await my next cleaning frenzy.  

When I finally dig into this project I am also going to get rid of all the “remote organizers” I’ve invested in over the years.  In an effort to keep these things in one place I’ve purchased oddly shaped plastic things, artfully woven baskets, warm colored leather cases, beautiful hammered metal boxes and some wooden things with slots and bins and spaces only a true pack rat could appreciate. 

It is beyond my comprehension why we save these things.  I suppose I feel guilty because this is technology I never mastered beyond the “on/off” and “channel/volume” functions.   Perhaps it’s out of respect for what these controls could have done (if only I’d read the book) that keeps them squirreled away.  Seeing my Mom's collection of useless plastic has only made me realize that, at best, our house is a disorganized technology scrapbook of sorts.

              I’m waiting for a snowy, blustery Sunday to test my resolve to toss them all away.   Unless, of course, I come upon a technology museum that takes donations.   

                                                                            Life is Good