Today is the first day of fall, always my favorite time of year. Like many people I enjoy the milder temperatures, the show of the leaves, the last gasp of good weather as winter tightens it's grip on the landscape. The fact that my birthday is in October has only been icing on the big FALL cake.
This year is a special mile marker.....my 65th birthday. It's not what I expected, if indeed I had any real expectations. I am reminded of a favorite old song of mine, "Is that all there is?"....by the talented torch singer, Peggy Lee. Like so many important days in my life the anticipation of some big event is eclipsed by it's unexpectedly mundane passage.
As a young girl I remember the terror of my first dance, first date, and taking my drivers test. They all passed without any real trauma. Then the anticipation of my wedding day....which turned out to be a comedy of errors and passed in such a blur that I didn't have time to really be nervous, let alone mark the event with any shining moments. The first baby.....I remember that one moment of fear when I realized that this labor was not something I could stop and think about....and then it was done. My first trip into a Senator's office in Washington on a broadcasters lobbying trip was a walk back into history and a brush with someone famous...but it too passed one second at a time.
All of these events, and many other of the biggest moments of my life, passed in the same way every other moment passed. No blare of trumpets, no light show. For the most part, without photos to remind me of some events, I would have only the tiniest recollection. Is that really all there is?
Now, as I acknowledge the approach of my 65th birthday I look back over my life and I realize that it is those moments, those events, (and so many others) that have created this moment. They were the building blocks of today, this hour, this second. I am grateful for every one of them.....the good, the great, and the not so great.
If I have any disappointment at all, it is that I have not arrived at this milestone in my life full of wisdom and grace. Somehow I had expected to be a 65 year old sage.....I remain a student. I had hoped to be a gracious older woman....I continually cope with my impatient and sometimes cantankerous nature. I thought by now I would have a vast resevoir of knowledge to share, but somehow I remain adrift in my own sea of questions and wishes.
I don't want to imply I've learned nothing in this journey, but I can share with you my biggest take away in a very short sentence. Do not fear change, and never say never.
I was never going to retire from broadcast, but when, at age 62, I did, I found that editing Heart of Ohio Magazine was one of the most enjoyable things I've ever experienced. I thought I didn't like the outdoors, having spent the bulk of my adult life in offices.....now I am an avid kayaker. I bought a convertible a few years ago, after I found out the feel of the wind in my hair made me happy when I got past the fear of messy hair. Change is the real mile marker of our lives, not the number of years you've invested.
And so, at 65, I am thankful for change, and I try not to allow my mind to freeze into "never" mode.
I may not be full of wisdom, but I am still full of the joy of life. For that I have to thank the things in my life that have never changed....my wonderful husband and my three beautiful children, who have added three wonderful spouses and seven grandchildren to my ever changing life.
I will try to continue to embrace my birthdays, and the changes they bring. Life is good.
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