The Appliance Coroner

Into each life a little rain must fall…..it was a rainy Friday morning and I was trying to get some housework done before the weather cleared up and distracted me from all the chores I needed to do.   Dusting, sweeping, mopping; laundry spinning in the washer and tumbling in the dryer.   Ah…..housework.

I dragged my trusty vacuum cleaner from the closet and proceeded to plug it in.   You know how it is; when you’ve had an appliance for some time you get used to the noise it makes.   Well…this was not a noise this particular vacuum cleaner had ever made.   Being mechanically inclined I performed step one of my bag of tricks to remedy the situation.   I picked the vacuum up and bounced it a couple of times on the floor.   The oddly high pitched “trying to suck up a cocker spaniel” noise continued.

Time for trick number two….and this is a specialty….appliance swearing.   Over the years I’ve learned that bouncing and swearing have kept my vacuum cleaners running at peak performance.   Not so this time. 

Time for the heavy duty work to begin.  Butter knife?  Check!   Coat hanger?  Check!  I flipped that bad boy onto its back and removed every screw that would come out.  Now I had several pieces of vacuum cleaner, but I could tell the belt was still intact and in place.   With the pieces scattered around me I turned it on once again and I could see sparks coming from a place I’ve never seen sparks before.    Hmmmm……..

As I worked on the vacuum it brought back memories of previous appliances and the repairman we always called to fix them.   I will call him Ronnie McNew the Appliance Guru ….the names have been changed to protect the innocent.    That’s not true; the names have been changed so he won’t sue me.

Washer, dryer, fridge….we’ve replaced them all multiple times over the years.  If the washer isn’t sloshing call Ronnie….If the dryer isn’t drying call Ronnie…..that refrigerator acting like a warming unit?  Call Ronnie.

Being slow on the uptake, I continued to call Ronnie over and over again.  He never actually fixed anything, but he was a really nice guy, and he always showed up.   Here is a regular “Ronnie” visit:

“Hello Mrs. Coon.   Wife says your (washer, dryer, dishwasher) is acting up on you”, Ronnie would say.

“Hi, Ronnie.   Yeah…it’s going “whumpa whumpa” and not (sloshing, drying, cleaning).  Can you fix it?”

Scrunching up his face he’d say, “I’ll get my tool box and be right back.”

Ronnie generally stayed less than an hour.  Eventually he’d call me to the (basement, kitchen, laundry room) and say, “Gee Mrs. Coon.   I’ve taken this apart and the gazaxtihagen is worn out, plus the belts are all frayed.  It would cost more to fix it than to buy a new one.  I sure wouldn’t put the money in it.”

About the fourth or fifth time this same exact thing happened the light went on as I wrote the check for the “service call”.   I was paying Ronnie to pronounce my appliances dead! He had never salvaged even one appliance.  He wasn’t a repairman…..he was the appliance coroner!

And so, as I watched the sparks flying from my vacuum cleaner, I smiled.  My bounce and swear technique may not be the best way to fix something.   On the other hand, if that doesn’t work I just assume it’s dead and go buy another appliance. 

Okay…I’m contributing to the landfill and doing nothing for the environment by junking these items and buying new ones, I know.   But I am saving the $55.00 service call by pronouncing my own appliances DOA; and I quiet that guilty little voice by telling myself I'm contributing to the economy!!   

                                                          Life is Good

The Bucket List

This weekend we were sitting around talking with friends and the subject of the “bucket list” came up in the conversation.   Seems most of us have one, even if we didn’t know that’s what it’s called.

As we sat and talked about what we might have missed in life and what we'd like to do before we exit, some of the group had long bucket lists consisting of things like parachuting out of a plane…visiting the North Pole…climbing a mountain…meeting a movie star,  things like that.  It just brought home how very lucky I am.  I don’t really HAVE a bucket list!

I have always been so fortunate to have jobs that gave me the opportunity to see and do things that really put a crimp in my bucket list, I guess.  Working in radio for a zillion years I met a smattering of famous people…enough of them to know that traveling around the country (or world) making public appearances and living on the smiles of strangers is not what I’d like to do.  Nope, no bucket listing for fame.

Over the years I became President of the Ohio Association of Broadcasters, a responsibility that took me on lobbying trips to Washington.  We kept appointments with Congressmen, dashing from building to building to keep stay on schedule.  I’ve been chewed out by a high official over the “wardrobe malfunction” that occurred during the super bowl and the F-bomb thrown at the crowd when Bono grew testy.  I’ve attended cocktail parties and receptions at the Capitol, and then walked around the hill soaking in the history as I made my way back to the hotel.  I had a meeting in the "hide away" below ground that had belonged to John F Kennedy.   I rode the Congressional subway with Ted Kennedy sitting behind me, and watched Hillary Clinton make a speech while I sat in the balcony and marveled at the fact that I was actually sitting in the balcony watching Hillary Clinton make a speech.   No bucket list there…..

Years ago I had a project, the Richland Carrousel Park, entrusted to me to bring to completion.  What a wonderful, abstract thing it was to do!  It was truly starting from the ground floor, and I learned a great deal.  Every time I drive through the downtown and hear the tinkling carousel music I think about the day that organ was installed….the day the center pole was erected….the grand opening.   All the creative ideas, the open possibilities, just placed in my hands to accomplish.  I was so lucky to have that experience, and it held me in good stead when I returned to broadcast after eighteen months and moved into managing radio stations. That alone must have taken half a dozen things off my bucket list.

I’ve ridden elephants and hot air balloons…traveled in Europe and taken cruises to other exciting places.  If I have any bucket list of places to which I’d like to travel they would be here in this country, but I can pretty much see everything that I want to from my back door. 

My husband and I have raised a beautiful family.  We are proud of our children and grandchildren.  We both are happy about the fact that there’s no one on earth we’d rather spend time with than our own children.  There is absolutely no bucket list with any family notes on it.

My husband has put up with me, supported me in every crazy thing I’ve tried, and still loves me.  How did I ever get that lucky?  I have no bucket list when it comes to marriage; I may have kicked a few dents in it but that bucket is still solid.

And now…after “retiring”….here I am editing a magazine.  A new career with a new learning curve at this stage of life.  Heart of Ohio Magazine is a labor of love for me, and that is also true for Diane Brown (publisher and owner of Sun Graphics)   I am so glad I said yes when she asked if I’d like to talk over an idea she had.    I have no bucket list that says “when I retire I want to”……I’m in the middle of doing it!

And so, here I am….a woman without a bucket list.   To be honest I have lived my life thus far without any game plan; it’s only fitting that I finish it the same way.   And how can I complain when my bucket runneth over?

                                                                      

                                                   LIFE IS GOOD