When I was a young radio copywriter I answered an ad for a writer for Lumbermens Insurance. The big, elegant building on the hill by the Country Club....just doesn't get any better than that. No one was more suprised than I when I got an interview! I was a nervous wreck, but excited, too.
As the big day arrived my youngest daughter was in bed with a fever and sore throat. Already nervous about the interview, and feeling guilty for leaving her, I asked what I could bring her to make her feel better. Her feverish little face screwed up into a grin and she said, "A goldfish, Mommy."
I have a terrible habit of being early. It's one I've developed to compensate for my dreadful sense of direction. I always leave enough time to get lost, get found, and get there on time. So, on this cold, snowy day, I was early and decided to stop at the pet store for a goldfish before my interview.
I carefull selected a fluffy tailed fish, which the gal popped into a plastic bag of water. She folded the top of the bag and put a red rubber band around it. "He'll last in there a little while, maybe an hour or more. I wouldn't try to keep him in there much longer than that."
Arriving (on time) at the stately Lumbermens building I stared in awe at the beautiful structure. I was completely intimidated, and every ounce of confidence I had drained out of me as I parked the car. Fearing the fish would freeze to death, I carefully put the plastic bag into my huge purse and headed to the door.
Inside I was greeted and led to a beautiful office with dark wood paneling, and what had to be at least an acre of celery green carpet. I stood there waiting as a tall, official looking man came into the room to shake my hand. He pulled a chair out for me in front of his desk, dragged a second chair across from mine, and told me to make myself comfortable.....which of course was out of the question.
I put my handbag down and perched nervously on the edge of the chair. Knowing I must look as uncomfortable as I felt, I settled back into the chair and, trying to look casual, crossed my legs.
No "Lucy" episode ever did it better. As I crossed my legs I kicked over the big handbag. The freshly bagged swimmer rolled out, as if on cue. As the force of the water popped the red rubber band into the air, the water gushed and the goldfish flopped helplessly on the celery green carpet.
I had no idea a man in such an expensive suit could move so quickly, but Mr. Whathisname jumped up, grabbed a coffee mug off his desk, and ran into the hallway to a water cooler. In no time flat the fish was swimming in a bag of murky water with a tinge of cream and sugar. Frozen in horror, I still sat in the chair, one leg crossed, but not quite touching the other.
I will not lie and tell you I remember the rest of the interview. I only remember it finally, mercifully, ended and I found my self on my way home with a fish, and no chance of a second interview. There are some things from which you can recover during an interview......playing croquet with a goldfish on expensive carpet isn't one of them.
I learned the hard way that humiliation begats empathy. Later in my career I always tried to make people comfortable during an interview. They tell you more about themselves, their experiences, and relaxed people show you more of their people skills. And one more very important thing about folks who are relaxed during an interview.....they do a lot less property damage. Life is good.
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